In these difficult times, the Gaza Strip, which has been under siege for 12 years, is tinged with bitterness. The siege of Gaza continues to bear its toll on all aspects of Palestinian life in the stricken sector.

For this malicious introduction I am writing, the main subject is the violations of the Islamic movement in Gaza against its occupants.  It would have been better to contract with a publishing house to launch a series of volumes since they number more than the number of the names of God.

This article aims to shed light on us gay Palestinians, a marginalized group living in the Gaza Strip suffering. We are suffering because of our image since we are connected to the dialectical relationship of homosexuality in our religious and hypocritical society. These hundreds and perhaps thousands of Palestinian homosexuals live in Gaza under the guise of total secrecy and threats on their lives. This threat makes life more difficult for many of us who are forced to hide our sexual identity and live a lie to save our lives.

I will just present here a presentation of my story and review with you my life, my relationships and the most important challenges I face.

I was forced to marry because of the customs and traditions of the people of this country. I could not refuse them because I simply cannot disclose my wishes to my family, my parents are religiously observant. I think that if I were to be stoned, my brothers would be stoned in front of the neighborhood mosque where I live.

Four years ago, I was in a relationship with a man in his fifties who I had met when I was visiting one of my relatives. It was difficult to meet and we had only phone conversations. After a while, he left Gaza to practice his life. Naturally.

Most of what I think about is that I do not want any of my family or friends to know about me. How if my wife's parents knew about me, they would deprive me of my children, deprive me of the most precious thing I have in this miserable life.

Now I just make friends with people like me through the sites, to get together without having any relationships or dates. I hope that the situation will change someday. I am now in middle age and I have suffered a lot. I do not know if I can be more patient and enduring in this life!

I try to preserve my identity as much as possible because I do not want problems with my family so that they do not carry the accusations that are being passed on to the tongues of our complex society.

Sometimes I think of committing suicide, but suicide is not a solution.

I am a Muslim. But when I hear what the Muslim sheiks talk about homosexuality and how they should be stoned, killed and abused, my mental state is worse. I do not think that God is as unjust as they speak. No one will be held accountable for things that he does not possess as powerless as the nature of your tendencies, so I have been created by God. Perhaps God will make things easier for us. He is the one who created us by our nature and inclination.

I would imagine that if I had included my real name as a writer for this story, it would have been my fate behind the sun (a Hamas term to threaten anyone who contradicts their teachings and opinions).

I live in a city as hard as Gaza, especially under Hamas control, I cannot declare my identity as a homosexual. Hamas has some homosexuals. Hamas is not an easy movement, especially since those who have been arrested are now working for Hamas and Hamas exploits them in exchange for not exposing them. I do not want to be one of those. I want to live freely.

In general, in the Arab world, the homosexuals are divided into two parts, people who are looking for sexual relations only, and people who are honest with themselves and are looking for love. For the first type, their lives are easy and they can at any time secretly practice what they want but you cannot ever walk in the street or meet your lover and hold his hand.

My life in Gaza is hell with all its meaning, I cannot wear my clothes or meet people of my nature. I have been stripped of words to describe my feelings. After my difficult journey of searching and identification, I have feelings of sympathy for this group.  Hamas who control the lives of 2 million people practices various forms of domination, violence, and injustice.

What is in the hand is a trick, I know that the suffering of homosexuals in the Gaza Strip is suffered by all homosexuals in the Arab world, but perhaps the dawn of freedom is near ... Perhaps the crushing of dominants will be closer and then we can live in our countries freely. Otherwise, the solution will be only to leave our country to become a jungle and go to the West and leave our country to these dirty groups to fight and spread corruption. I think they will be happy to take the doctrine of the jungle because they are the beasts.